Parenting fail – the ‘what ifs’
“We all make mistakes”. Yes
apparently, that’s everyone but ME. I don’t make mistakes.
Recently, we had our own little scare/ parenting fail that did, and continues
to, bring me to tears at the mere thought.
My two cherubs are being raised with
a good balance of helicopter parenting and the freedom to learn and work things
out for themselves.
For example, Mr 20 months can climb
all sorts of play equipment (as long as we’re there with arms at the ready
should he suddenly lose balance) and, because he was given the opportunity and
freedom to practice, he has, for a long time, been able to confidently seat
himself on the swings in our backyard and hold on well while being pushed.
When it comes to safety and/ or possible
dangers or threats, I’m super vigilant.
I’m an informed parent and am aware
of, and enjoy learning more about, car seat safety/the benefits of extended
rear-facing (or at least not turning a child til they’re the correct and legal
weight and age), introducing solids at around six months (and the dangers of,
and lack of education regarding the too-early introduction), SIDS and cot death
risks (no pillows or hats of any type to be in a newborn’s bed/ correct sleep
positioning and supervision) and many many more.
I’ve always been careful when it
comes to toddlers or kids and bath time – they’re NEVER to be left unsupervised
- even for a split second. Why would you risk it?!
If I’ve been out with the kids, I’ll load them into their car seats, start the
car up to get the air-conditioning going and then always, I repeat ALWAYS, wind
down the driver’s window (so I can at least get my arm in), so if, by chance,
the car managed to lock itself while I’m putting the pram in the boot, my kids
won’t be locked in the car.
It’s a habit that just comes as second nature to me. (On second thoughts,
perhaps I should re-assess this method in case we were ever to be car-jacked?!)
You name it, I'm pretty much all over
it and can admittedly be horrified and a tad judgemental when I see horrible examples
of carelessness or ignorance – especially on Facebook ‘Mommy’ pages.
I’ve heard some horror stories (from people I know in real life):
Like the time a new mum was
recounting to our mother's group how she was placing her newborn in a Baby Bjorn while standing in
her lounge room, for bub to slip right through and land, splat, on the tiled
floor. Thankfully bub was fine.
I just could never imagine ever doing
something like that! (For the record, we'd always stand over the bed while
putting bub in a Bjorn to provide a softer landing surface if bub ever did
happen to fall).
Or the mum who left bub unattended on
a change table for bub to then wriggle off.
I’ll always remember the email a friend kindly sent me when I was pregnant with
my first that was jam-packed full of her own personal parenting tips.
One of her main tips was to NEVER leave a child unattended on change table even
for a second.
This is something that has stuck with me as I’d never be able to forgive myself if
something happened.
Or the friend who changed bub’s nappy
in the boot of the car but bent down to pick up a dropped item at the precise
moment bub worked out how to wriggle away and fell onto the ground.
Of course accidents can and do happen.
When my babies were newborns I tried
to ensure people sanitised their hands before touching/holding my precious
cargo and would steer clear of anyone who had the slightest stench of nicotine
on them.
I'd watch like a hawk to ensure bub's
head was being appropriately supported - if not, I'd try and offer words of
encouragement/ reminders before getting my bub back into my safe arms.
Maybe I was/am slightly OTT but, hey,
my kids are the most precious things in the world to me, so why wouldn’t I want
to take every step to ensure their safety/health?!
So with that all in mind, this post
is hard for me to write…
I should've known my lil son is 'an
adventurer' just like I was.
Apparently, when I was a toddler back in
the 80’s, I managed to let myself out of the house early one morning and made my way
next door – wearing only a nappy – where I let myself in to the neighbour's
house as an uninvited breakfast guest (leaving a trail of muddy footprints)
before being retrieved by my mum.
Recently, in the countdown to our
twins’ arrival, hubby and I decided to knuckle down and finalise some jobs on
our to do list.
Hubby had just finished a
midnight-9am shift, was still unwell after having been off sick, and was
focussed on vacuuming out the car and installing the newborn capsules for the
twins.
The car motor was on and the aircon was cranking.
As the motor was on, the one-sided garage door (open-ended carport the other
side) was opened slightly, to allow for any fumes to escape/fresh air to
circulate.
Mr 20 months had been swapping from
inside and out and wanted to be out with daddy, so I called out to hubby who - I thought - acknowledged lil man was to be in his presence.
Hubby was busy vacuuming the car and I watched as
Mr 20 months toddled to the car to be with him.
I popped inside and Miss 3 and I put
on another load of washing.
I went back outside to check on hubby’s progress and asked hubby where Mr 20
months was.
Before he even replied, I immediately
ran out the front, knowing that the garage was open and our little adventurer
must have escaped.
I screamed at hubby to check our
backyard and hoped our son was just playing on the swings as he usually is.
I ran out into the middle of our
little cul-de-sac and called out to my precious boy while hoping hubby would
yell out that I was overreacting and that our son was happily playing in the
backyard like usual.
But no.
As I frantically waddled up the
street, I noticed, about four houses up, a lady standing on her front lawn,
holding our precious son on her hip.
She saw/ heard me burst into tears as
I started waddling to her at a record pace to scoop my son from the safety of
her arms.
I was so relieved, but also extremely
upset and embarrassed that a momentary act of complacency could've caused our
son harm.
The lady said she heard him at the
front of her place where he stayed put (probably frightened of getting more
prickly things in his tender feet). Thank god for bindis.
Between my tears and attempts to stop
myself from breaking down into a full on sob, Mr 20 months was back in my arms
and I kissed him repeatedly, while managing to, only just, get the words out to
thank the kind neighbour.
Hubby had, by that stage, realised
our son was not in our backyard and had raced down the road to be reunited with
our baby.
As we walked back to our home, and
promptly shut the garage (!) and turned off the car motor, the ‘what ifs’
started flowing.
And I still can't get the whole thing out of my head.
-- What if he made it to the end of the street (two more houses) where the road
is hilly, there's a bend, and a motorist simply would not see him?
-- What if a car was unknowingly
reversing out of their driveway while our lil adventurer was toddling along our
usually-quiet street?
-- What if our elderly neighbour, who
arrived home pulling into their driveway just moments later, hit him at that
moment he stepped away from the kerb?
-- What if he made it into someone's
backyard and they had a dangerous dog/ equipment within reach?
This incident was a heart breaking
wake up call.
Just when you think you’ve got it all covered, something like this happens to
remind you…YOU DON’T.
Hubby and I usually communicate well:
'Have you got Miss 3?'
'Yes' (always making sure to get a response so we know who's in charge).
But this time, our usually fail-proof
process FAILED.
Thank goodness our son is OK.
Just days before this incident, I
stumbled across a blog where a grieving mother recounted her last day with her
little toddler who was killed in an unidentified accident (at home).
And days before that, was brought to
tears when I heard the story about the boy, a similar age to my son, who was
tragically hit by a garbage truck.
My heart ached, and still does, for those families who have lost their precious
angels.
And to think, that in an instant, something just as
tragic could have happened to us just makes my heart stop.
Miss 3 has even asked me a few times,
‘’Mummy why were you so sad when ‘Mr 20 months’ went for a walk without holding
anyone's hand?’’
I know it may all sound overly
dramatic. But how can you ignore the what ifs, when they were real
possibilities?
Thank goodness our precious boy is
OK.
